I made this film during a period of healing - from eating disorders, from emotional reliance, from patterns of giving myself away to short-term pleasures. Rather than following a conventional narrative, I wanted to create a piece that embodies what it feels like when your body no longer trusts you.
The poem came first. The visuals and sound became ways of externalizing what’s usually hidden: the palpitation after a binge, the numbness in your skin, the rituals we perform alone. This film is deeply personal, but I know I’m not the only one unlearning the language of harm. I hope it resonates with others who have felt unheard in their pain - and who are still trying to come back to themselves.
Starring Kai Whalen
Voiceover by Lucy Archer-Woodcock
Writter, Director & Editor: Fiona Chen
Cinematographer: Henry Jensen
Gaffer & Colorist: Jasmine Esquivel
Grips: Gianah Gracia, Sarah Martinez, Samuel Gardner, Jayson James.
Production Assistants: Michael Grefig, Ryan Diaz, Justin Marinelli.
Set Photographer: Serein Zhang
MONTAGE BREAKDOWN
The intro builds to a complete silence, alluding to the physical and mental symptoms of a purging episode: the racing heart, guilt, fleeting dopamine, and lingering shame. This emotional rollercoaster is conveyed through liquids and Rorschach-like imagery. Drawing from the concept and visual language of projective psychological tests, the film uses shifting lights, contrasting colors, and moving liquids to evoke the instability of self-perception, often unreliable and emotionally charged.
The bulk of the short features a dance improvised by the incredible talent. Through abstract, bodily expression, the choreography speak to the passivity that enables the continuity of EDs.
